COMPLICATED GRIEF
Complicated Grief occurs whan a person denies their loss, or allows self to become a victim to the loss. These people usually wrestle with feelings of guilt, and exaggerated sense of responsibility, blame, shame or taking the role of the "strong one". Strong ones refuse to show weakness--tears. Signs of such grief are emotional denial, closing down or isolating, depression or hyperactivity, anger or hostitlity, substance abuse, physical illness and preoccupation.
You can find a variety of books that may help you grieve the losses you have encurred. Many of them will teach specific stages of grief. In my experience, many people can heal, move with and through the pain of loss without following a specific stage as outlined in some theories. Below is a partial list of grief experiences that can occur during their healing process. People can bounce back and forth from one to the other many times, and these can occur in any order.
Grief begins with Loss/Hurt
Shock
Numbness
Denial
Emotional Outbursts
Anger
Fear
Irritability/Impatience
Searchings (If only I had, Why them, Why our family, Why me...etc)
Disorganization
Panic
Guilt
Loneliness
Isolation
Depression
Re-entry troubles
New Relationships
New Strengths
Hope
Affirmation
Helping others
The grieving process concludes with Loss adjustment
Grief is over when we have so deeply accepted it that it does not matter if it arises again or not.
~Jack Cornfield
Complicated Grief occurs whan a person denies their loss, or allows self to become a victim to the loss. These people usually wrestle with feelings of guilt, and exaggerated sense of responsibility, blame, shame or taking the role of the "strong one". Strong ones refuse to show weakness--tears. Signs of such grief are emotional denial, closing down or isolating, depression or hyperactivity, anger or hostitlity, substance abuse, physical illness and preoccupation.
You can find a variety of books that may help you grieve the losses you have encurred. Many of them will teach specific stages of grief. In my experience, many people can heal, move with and through the pain of loss without following a specific stage as outlined in some theories. Below is a partial list of grief experiences that can occur during their healing process. People can bounce back and forth from one to the other many times, and these can occur in any order.
Grief begins with Loss/Hurt
Shock
Numbness
Denial
Emotional Outbursts
Anger
Fear
Irritability/Impatience
Searchings (If only I had, Why them, Why our family, Why me...etc)
Disorganization
Panic
Guilt
Loneliness
Isolation
Depression
Re-entry troubles
New Relationships
New Strengths
Hope
Affirmation
Helping others
The grieving process concludes with Loss adjustment
Grief is over when we have so deeply accepted it that it does not matter if it arises again or not.
~Jack Cornfield
Mourner's Rights
I have the right to experience grief in my own way
I have the right to feel what I am feelig, regardless of how those feelings shift from moment to moment
I have the right to be treated as a capable person
I have the right to feel angry
I have the right to say NO
I have the right to privacy
I have the right to ask for help
I have the right to be treated with respect
I have the right to be listened to
I have the right to socialize when I am ready
I have the right to cry--or not
I have the right to express my feelings-- or not
I have the right to be upset
I have the right to be supported
I have the right to express my needs
I have the right to talk about my grief
I have the right to experience joy
I have the right to feel a multitude of emotions--or not
I have the right to be tolerant of my physical and emotional limits
I have the right to experience unexpected bursts of grief
I have the right to make use of healing rituals, including the funeral
I have the right to have fun
I have the right to be disappointed
I have the right to search for meaning in life and death
I have the right to treasure my memories
I have the right to be alone
A few practices to get you started in your grieving process
I have the right to feel what I am feelig, regardless of how those feelings shift from moment to moment
I have the right to be treated as a capable person
I have the right to feel angry
I have the right to say NO
I have the right to privacy
I have the right to ask for help
I have the right to be treated with respect
I have the right to be listened to
I have the right to socialize when I am ready
I have the right to cry--or not
I have the right to express my feelings-- or not
I have the right to be upset
I have the right to be supported
I have the right to express my needs
I have the right to talk about my grief
I have the right to experience joy
I have the right to feel a multitude of emotions--or not
I have the right to be tolerant of my physical and emotional limits
I have the right to experience unexpected bursts of grief
I have the right to make use of healing rituals, including the funeral
I have the right to have fun
I have the right to be disappointed
I have the right to search for meaning in life and death
I have the right to treasure my memories
I have the right to be alone
A few practices to get you started in your grieving process
- Feel your feelings. Allow yourself to experience the sadness, anger, or what ever emotion is happening without numbing yourself with drugs, alcohol or distracting yourself (stuffing your feelings) from experiencing the discomfort. This only delays and complicates the grieving process. It does not stop it.
- Talk about your feelings with an understanding listener that will not interfere by giving advice
- Journal your thoughts and feelings
- Let yourself cry. Watch sad movies to help you get started.
- Write letters about your grief-to a person, place, or thing that you lost. And write a letter back from them to you. Read the letters to someone you trust, allow youself to cry.
- Express anger appropriately-throw ice cubes at cement, rip up old papers, draw pictures, yell at a mountain
- Acknowledge that grief is a process and takes time to heal
- Ritualize birthdays, anniversaries and holidays, light a candle in honor, send a message in helium balloons, take flowers to a grave.
- Express gratitude for the positive memories
- Make a picure album of memories
- Forgive yourself and others
- Be compassionate with yourself and others
- Walk in nature
- Meditate and or Pray
- Read insiprational materials
- Join a grief support group so that you can share with others who are also experiencing grief
EMAIL (for fastest response) for your initial appointment
and get started with your new life!
Patricia Pritchett, LPC, NCC, CCTP, CLC
Psychotherapy, Clinical Supervision and EMDR
Zoom and in-person sessions available
NW Tucson Location: 7229 North Thornydale Rd., Suite 109, Tucson AZ 85741
(602) 791-0840 Text or voice message. I will text you back.
[email protected]
and get started with your new life!
Patricia Pritchett, LPC, NCC, CCTP, CLC
Psychotherapy, Clinical Supervision and EMDR
Zoom and in-person sessions available
NW Tucson Location: 7229 North Thornydale Rd., Suite 109, Tucson AZ 85741
(602) 791-0840 Text or voice message. I will text you back.
[email protected]